i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
