I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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