Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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