Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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