Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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