I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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