I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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