my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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