yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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