there's paper in my vomit.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
love makes seman taste better
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am available for nakedness
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
