mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
