Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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