I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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