I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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