I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
