I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
