just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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