evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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