Duck Duck Cougar?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
