I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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