I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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