mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
