just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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