I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
