A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
