I just made out with a guy for $7.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
