i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
