I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
worst night to have a conscience
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
