I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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