He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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