i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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