Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
