i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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