she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
