he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
