You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
