Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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