Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
