he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
