Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
