Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
