I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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