I think my fart just growled at me.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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