we're chasing vodka with high fives
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
