marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
