eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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