Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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