we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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