i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
