put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
