I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
