Umm I'm too high to move.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
