yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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