3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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